Today is the day! Jim and I got our starting weights, and we're starting to eat healthier and less as of today.
Boy did we have fun during our holiday vacation, though. Ha! So much junk food passed through my lips that I actually started getting sick of sugar yesterday, and started wanting some "real" food - something more substantial and healthy. That didn't stop me from eating all the junk I could scarf down, though. :)
But today I'm back on track. I've got my food figured out for the day, and even though I had my afternoon snack an hour and a half ago, I'm already hungry for dinner. It'll take a while for my body to adjust to eating less, though, so that's fine. After work I'm going to the gym and using the elliptical for half an hour, plus cool down. I'm being active in Spark People again, entering my food to make sure my calories don't climb too high, and I'll be entering my exercise there, too. I also set up my beginning weight and I'll record my weight loss there every week. I do need to get my measurements, though. I also joined a group on SP that will do 30 minutes of cardio five days a week (which I was planning on doing anyway) plus a 10 minute strength video, which is created by their site.
So I'm doing well so far, and I've got all the support and tools I need to make it happen - plus the motivation of my wedding, which is creeping ever closer! Eight months will go so quickly!
Oh, and here is where I get embarrassed and admit my starting weight for this, my latest (and hopefully final) attempt to finally drop this weight. I stepped on the scale this morning, and weighed 227.5.
I don't think the junk food binges were worth it, really. :)
Anyway, here I am, chronicling this again for 2011. Here's to a slimmer me by my wedding!
Showing posts with label diet. Show all posts
Showing posts with label diet. Show all posts
Monday, January 3, 2011
Monday, November 15, 2010
Of Knees and Diet Failures
Last week was not a good one in diet land. I'd been messing up with food. I didn't go to the gym on Monday because Jim was home and I wanted to spend time with him, not at the gym (we don't get to spend nearly enough time together). The gym was going to be closed on Friday for some reason. And then I said screw it, I'm taking the week off. So I didn't go to the gym at all last week. I didn't work out at home. I ate whatever I wanted, and that included chips, cookies, McDonald's - a lot of crap.
But today is my time to start over! I'm committed to counting calories every day, and sticking to my range. I'm going to hit the gym every day that it's open, if I can, and if not, and on the days when it's not open, I'll work out at home.
Sounds good! There's only one problem - my knee has been bothering me a little since the end of last week. I didn't do anything to it, as far as I know, it just hurts when I bend it in certain ways. But it wasn't too bad.
Until last night. I went to bed, and it hurt when I moved from my back to my side, and curled my legs up in front of me. Every time I moved toward the end of the night, I woke up in pain from my knee. It doesn't hurt when I walk, but if I bend and lift it, the pain flares.
I don't quite dare workout without getting it checked out, so I called the doctor's office this morning and got an appointment for today. We'll see how it goes!
But while working out may be sidelined if the knee needs to rest, the diet isn't! I'm sick to death of counting calories, but it's the only way I can be sure not to overeat, so Spark People is once again my best online friend. Bah.
And really I'm just sick to death of the whole dieting thing, but you know what? It's how it has to be. I can't stay 221 pounds, I can't keep eating a non-stop diet of crap. Things have to change. And now is the best time! (I'm also sick of writing these "I'm starting over" blog entries, but what can I do? I'll try to make this the last one I write.)
(Besides, my wedding is less than 10 months away now! Those size 8 jeans aren't going to fit if I don't get my act together!)
I'll let you all know how the knee turns out.
But today is my time to start over! I'm committed to counting calories every day, and sticking to my range. I'm going to hit the gym every day that it's open, if I can, and if not, and on the days when it's not open, I'll work out at home.
Sounds good! There's only one problem - my knee has been bothering me a little since the end of last week. I didn't do anything to it, as far as I know, it just hurts when I bend it in certain ways. But it wasn't too bad.
Until last night. I went to bed, and it hurt when I moved from my back to my side, and curled my legs up in front of me. Every time I moved toward the end of the night, I woke up in pain from my knee. It doesn't hurt when I walk, but if I bend and lift it, the pain flares.
I don't quite dare workout without getting it checked out, so I called the doctor's office this morning and got an appointment for today. We'll see how it goes!
But while working out may be sidelined if the knee needs to rest, the diet isn't! I'm sick to death of counting calories, but it's the only way I can be sure not to overeat, so Spark People is once again my best online friend. Bah.
And really I'm just sick to death of the whole dieting thing, but you know what? It's how it has to be. I can't stay 221 pounds, I can't keep eating a non-stop diet of crap. Things have to change. And now is the best time! (I'm also sick of writing these "I'm starting over" blog entries, but what can I do? I'll try to make this the last one I write.)
(Besides, my wedding is less than 10 months away now! Those size 8 jeans aren't going to fit if I don't get my act together!)
I'll let you all know how the knee turns out.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Accountability Works!
I weighed in this morning at 221.75 - three pounds less than last week! Woo! Look at that, being accountable actually works. :)
Confession time, though: I was really only good on Wednesday and Thursday. I spent the weekend (a three day weekend) with Jim, not caring to be good when I was spending time with him and eating delicious burgers two days in a row. And I spent Tuesday eating bad at lunch and then at home after work. But I cleaned it up the last two days, and my body did the rest. And actually, those last two days, the thought of having to report in here is all that kept me from being bad again. Thanks for being out there to watch over me, all four or five of you. Next week I'm shooting to be good at least four out of the seven days. (I'll work up to a whole week of being good, I swear.)
But hey, three pounds down, and I'll take it. My goal for next week is to lose another two or three pounds. I'll let you know if it happens!
Confession time, though: I was really only good on Wednesday and Thursday. I spent the weekend (a three day weekend) with Jim, not caring to be good when I was spending time with him and eating delicious burgers two days in a row. And I spent Tuesday eating bad at lunch and then at home after work. But I cleaned it up the last two days, and my body did the rest. And actually, those last two days, the thought of having to report in here is all that kept me from being bad again. Thanks for being out there to watch over me, all four or five of you. Next week I'm shooting to be good at least four out of the seven days. (I'll work up to a whole week of being good, I swear.)
But hey, three pounds down, and I'll take it. My goal for next week is to lose another two or three pounds. I'll let you know if it happens!
Friday, October 8, 2010
Reinstating Weigh-Ins
So, I have come to a conclusion, and I think it's one I've reached on this site before, but sometimes I have to learn things twice (or even more often than that).
I need accountability.
What does this mean? It means I need to start weighing in with someone. And since I'm not going to Weight Watchers or Nutri-System or any paid weight loss program, I'm going to weigh in to you. You can be my watchers, the people I need to not let down every week - the people holding me accountable.
Why have I decided this? Because I've been going to the gym for about two months now. I've felt myself getting a little bit stronger every time. I can feel my muscles tightening up in my abs and my thighs. I have one pair of work pants that feel noticeably looser right under my butt (which feels like a weird place to notice a difference, but I assume it's from doing the elliptical three times a week). But my weight? Hasn't changed nearly enough.
When I started at the gym, my trainer there weighed me at 230 pounds. That was in the afternoon, dressed in gym clothes, so my at home, in the morning, naked weight was probably about 228 or so. That's what I'll figure. My weight this morning? 224 3/4.
A 3 1/4 pound weight loss in two months is NOT ACCEPTABLE! I started this thing with 13 months to go until my wedding BBQ picnic, and now there are only 11 months. Time is slipping by, and I'm not doing the work I need to do to get into those size 8 Levi's (what I want to wear when I get married). So the work (well, the food work) starts now.
I hereby pledge to be here every Friday morning, weighing in. If I don't lose, I'll be honest and tell you if I haven't done well on food. You can feel free to chastise me, and I'll do better the next week. My wedding day is 11 months from Sunday. I can do it, and you can keep me honest and help me get there! :)
I need accountability.
What does this mean? It means I need to start weighing in with someone. And since I'm not going to Weight Watchers or Nutri-System or any paid weight loss program, I'm going to weigh in to you. You can be my watchers, the people I need to not let down every week - the people holding me accountable.
Why have I decided this? Because I've been going to the gym for about two months now. I've felt myself getting a little bit stronger every time. I can feel my muscles tightening up in my abs and my thighs. I have one pair of work pants that feel noticeably looser right under my butt (which feels like a weird place to notice a difference, but I assume it's from doing the elliptical three times a week). But my weight? Hasn't changed nearly enough.
When I started at the gym, my trainer there weighed me at 230 pounds. That was in the afternoon, dressed in gym clothes, so my at home, in the morning, naked weight was probably about 228 or so. That's what I'll figure. My weight this morning? 224 3/4.
A 3 1/4 pound weight loss in two months is NOT ACCEPTABLE! I started this thing with 13 months to go until my wedding BBQ picnic, and now there are only 11 months. Time is slipping by, and I'm not doing the work I need to do to get into those size 8 Levi's (what I want to wear when I get married). So the work (well, the food work) starts now.
I hereby pledge to be here every Friday morning, weighing in. If I don't lose, I'll be honest and tell you if I haven't done well on food. You can feel free to chastise me, and I'll do better the next week. My wedding day is 11 months from Sunday. I can do it, and you can keep me honest and help me get there! :)
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Not Much To Share
No entries for a while - I guess I haven't had anything to say. I had an entry idea kicking around in my head a week or two ago, but I didn't have time to work on it. It was about how it seems like I get hot easier now? And I'm not sure if that's a result of starting to workout, or if I'm approaching menopause age (41, not too young), or what. And then the weather cooled down to the 50s, and I stopped getting sweaty just walking around, so that idea isn't even pertinent anymore. :)
Things are coasting along pretty well, I guess. I have been horrible with my food - eating a ton of junk that I don't need. I've kept up the exercising, though. I couldn't go to the gym on Monday, because I forgot to put socks in my gym bag (I thought I would be wearing a pair, but then I wore flats that don't require socks), and I can't workout without socks, eww, gross. But I went home and used our treadmill, which sucks so I only did 11 minutes on it, and then I finished my time on the exercise bike. So at least I did still get my heart rate up and made myself sweat. I need to find my strength for the food, though. The junk has to go.
Really, what I need to do is make myself use the Spark People site again. I haven't been doing that, because I'm so sick of recording every little thing I eat. I might need to just suck it up, though.
I also need to start working out on Tuesdays and Thursdays at home. I haven't done that at all yet. I'm kind of ashamed of myself. (And that is why going to the gym the other three days is so important.)
So that's all the diet and exercise news I have to share, and it's really not much. :) Other than that, life is going fine, I guess. Work isn't being fun, and I really think I missed my calling in life big time. I should be working as a veterinary technician, or at least working in a vet office in some capacity. Animals are my passion - what I'm doing now isn't really even an interest. So that's something to work on changing in the future. For now, though, I feel kind of stuck where I am. I keep telling myself that I'm lucky to have a job. That makes me feel better sometimes (just not on those bad days).
Okay, boring entry over. Now you probably wish I'd stayed silent. :)
Things are coasting along pretty well, I guess. I have been horrible with my food - eating a ton of junk that I don't need. I've kept up the exercising, though. I couldn't go to the gym on Monday, because I forgot to put socks in my gym bag (I thought I would be wearing a pair, but then I wore flats that don't require socks), and I can't workout without socks, eww, gross. But I went home and used our treadmill, which sucks so I only did 11 minutes on it, and then I finished my time on the exercise bike. So at least I did still get my heart rate up and made myself sweat. I need to find my strength for the food, though. The junk has to go.
Really, what I need to do is make myself use the Spark People site again. I haven't been doing that, because I'm so sick of recording every little thing I eat. I might need to just suck it up, though.
I also need to start working out on Tuesdays and Thursdays at home. I haven't done that at all yet. I'm kind of ashamed of myself. (And that is why going to the gym the other three days is so important.)
So that's all the diet and exercise news I have to share, and it's really not much. :) Other than that, life is going fine, I guess. Work isn't being fun, and I really think I missed my calling in life big time. I should be working as a veterinary technician, or at least working in a vet office in some capacity. Animals are my passion - what I'm doing now isn't really even an interest. So that's something to work on changing in the future. For now, though, I feel kind of stuck where I am. I keep telling myself that I'm lucky to have a job. That makes me feel better sometimes (just not on those bad days).
Okay, boring entry over. Now you probably wish I'd stayed silent. :)
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Crampy!
It's been a crampy, pain filled week around here. I've been bloated and popping Advil and feeling like a half drowned cow.
Lovely, yes?
But the cramps are going away, the pain is receding, and I no longer feel like I'm carrying a gallon of water around in my belly fat. So, things are looking up.
Isn't it fun being a woman sometimes? :D
I stepped on the scale this morning, with it set at last week's Friday Weigh-In weight. It laughed at me and said I needed to think again, because I may have felt like I had gotten back to normal, but in reality I was still holding onto a lot of water. Or else I ate too many fries last night.
Yes, I had fries. The restaurant I do marketing for at work called and offered me food in exchange for delivering their updated menu to them. They asked if they could bribe me with food, and I said you can ALWAYS bribe me with food. And I took my chicken tenders (barbecue flavor) and fries, handed them their menus, and drooled all the way home.
In all fairness, though, I only ate two of the tenders - the rest are in the fridge for tonight's dinner. I did eat all of the fries, though. And I don't regret it - they were delicious. :)
We'll see if the scale is still laughing at me on Friday, though. Oy.
Do you ever wish you could just stop having to think about food? Do you ever wish you could just eat when you were hungry, giving your body what it was craving, without worrying about calories, carbs or fat grams? Do you ever wish you could go back to the way it was when you were a little kid, and food was something to enjoy but not something to obsess over?
Or is that just me?
Lovely, yes?
But the cramps are going away, the pain is receding, and I no longer feel like I'm carrying a gallon of water around in my belly fat. So, things are looking up.
Isn't it fun being a woman sometimes? :D
I stepped on the scale this morning, with it set at last week's Friday Weigh-In weight. It laughed at me and said I needed to think again, because I may have felt like I had gotten back to normal, but in reality I was still holding onto a lot of water. Or else I ate too many fries last night.
Yes, I had fries. The restaurant I do marketing for at work called and offered me food in exchange for delivering their updated menu to them. They asked if they could bribe me with food, and I said you can ALWAYS bribe me with food. And I took my chicken tenders (barbecue flavor) and fries, handed them their menus, and drooled all the way home.
In all fairness, though, I only ate two of the tenders - the rest are in the fridge for tonight's dinner. I did eat all of the fries, though. And I don't regret it - they were delicious. :)
We'll see if the scale is still laughing at me on Friday, though. Oy.
Do you ever wish you could just stop having to think about food? Do you ever wish you could just eat when you were hungry, giving your body what it was craving, without worrying about calories, carbs or fat grams? Do you ever wish you could go back to the way it was when you were a little kid, and food was something to enjoy but not something to obsess over?
Or is that just me?
Friday, February 19, 2010
Gah! Effing Winter Anyway
Okay, first for my weigh-in. I told you not to expect big things this week, and I wasn't exaggerating. I spent what, a week and a half eating too much? Something like that. And I'm a champion weight gainer, so after four days of being good again, I'm only at 210 - 3/4 of a pound more than I was two weeks ago. I expected that, though, so I'm not upset. You misbehave, and you pay the price. It's simple.
But I've been really good this week, sticking to my calories every day and riding that exercise bike every night. I'll tell you right now, though, that I'm giving myself a pass on that bike tonight. Why? Here's why.
I don't know if I've mentioned in here before or not that I've been giving a woman from work a ride every day since the beginning of the semester, because she fell and broke her ankle. It was her left ankle, and she drives an automatic, so really she should have been fine to drive herself, but she's older (62) and a nervous person, and she didn't feel comfortable driving herself. Which is fine. I was fine picking her up every morning and dropping her off every night. We've had no problems at all the whole time. Until this morning.
It's snowy here this morning. The roads were covered in it, and so are the driveways. Her plow guy, for some reason, doesn't like to come plow her driveway unless she calls him. She has a driveway that goes uphill, and lives in a very windy area, so as you can imagine, her driveway gets pretty bad.
So, I get there, and look up the driveway, wondering if it's a good idea to pull up it, but I do anyway. I get to the top without any problems, and she asks if she can ride with me (she went to the doctor on Wednesday, and got the all clear to put her weight on her foot, so she actually drove herself yesterday, and I just stopped to make sure she got down her stairs and into her car okay - that was the plan for today, too). But this morning the car was covered with ice, and she panicked and didn't want to be standing around the car scraping it off - she was afraid of falling. Of course, if she had just gone out 20 minutes earlier and started the car and turned on the defrosters, there wouldn't have been any scraping to do, but whatever.
Of course I said fine, you can ride with me. And I tried to turn around to get closer to her, and also to get the car aimed nose first down the driveway. And I got stuck.
Fuck! I got out and used her shovel to clear the snow away from the tires, and actually got free. I couldn't get the car to drive back straight up, so I tried to back all the way down. Only I couldn't see where the driveway ended and the lawn began (that's a problem when the driveway HASN'T BEEN PLOWED), and I got stuck AGAIN. And this time no matter how much I shoveled, I couldn't get my car free. We had to leave it there, stuck in the snow. The poor thing.
I walked back up the driveway, hot and sweaty and tired, and we started her car, finally, and scraped off the ice, and I called work to say we were going to be late, and we managed to get her car out and get to work.
She's calling AAA to tow my car out of the snowbank, and her stupid fucking plow guy came and cleared the driveway (after we were at work), so I'll be able to drive home from her house.
But I definitely got my workout this morning, and if I don't feel up to riding that bike when I get home, I don't have to. Also, is it time to go home yet? Better yet, can it magically be later than that, so I'll just already be home, with my little red car in the garage, my pajamas on? Because that sounds amazing right now.
Sigh.
Anyway, back to the diet - I'm going to continue sticking to my calorie limit, and I'm going to continue to exercise every day, and we'll see what next Friday brings. I'm hoping for about 208.
Oh, also! I did so good last night! Jim called me on his way home and said he was at McDonald's, and he knew I was being good, but did I just want a small bag of fries or something? And I said no. I turned down McDonald's! Wow. I was proud of myself. (Also, I may have to have a double cheeseburger and fries on my next cheat day.)
Okay, that's all from me for now. I'm going to go wait for my feet, socks and pants to dry out. Have a good weekend!
I lied, I have more to say. While I was reading over all of the above, the woman whose driveway my poor car is stuck in came in to say that AAA won't come to tow the car without someone being there, so she told them to come at about 4:40 - after we've left work and gotten back to her house. But of course there's no guarantee they'll come right at 4:40, so I could be sitting at her house for a little while.
I really need my weekend now, please. Thanks.
But I've been really good this week, sticking to my calories every day and riding that exercise bike every night. I'll tell you right now, though, that I'm giving myself a pass on that bike tonight. Why? Here's why.
I don't know if I've mentioned in here before or not that I've been giving a woman from work a ride every day since the beginning of the semester, because she fell and broke her ankle. It was her left ankle, and she drives an automatic, so really she should have been fine to drive herself, but she's older (62) and a nervous person, and she didn't feel comfortable driving herself. Which is fine. I was fine picking her up every morning and dropping her off every night. We've had no problems at all the whole time. Until this morning.
It's snowy here this morning. The roads were covered in it, and so are the driveways. Her plow guy, for some reason, doesn't like to come plow her driveway unless she calls him. She has a driveway that goes uphill, and lives in a very windy area, so as you can imagine, her driveway gets pretty bad.
So, I get there, and look up the driveway, wondering if it's a good idea to pull up it, but I do anyway. I get to the top without any problems, and she asks if she can ride with me (she went to the doctor on Wednesday, and got the all clear to put her weight on her foot, so she actually drove herself yesterday, and I just stopped to make sure she got down her stairs and into her car okay - that was the plan for today, too). But this morning the car was covered with ice, and she panicked and didn't want to be standing around the car scraping it off - she was afraid of falling. Of course, if she had just gone out 20 minutes earlier and started the car and turned on the defrosters, there wouldn't have been any scraping to do, but whatever.
Of course I said fine, you can ride with me. And I tried to turn around to get closer to her, and also to get the car aimed nose first down the driveway. And I got stuck.
Fuck! I got out and used her shovel to clear the snow away from the tires, and actually got free. I couldn't get the car to drive back straight up, so I tried to back all the way down. Only I couldn't see where the driveway ended and the lawn began (that's a problem when the driveway HASN'T BEEN PLOWED), and I got stuck AGAIN. And this time no matter how much I shoveled, I couldn't get my car free. We had to leave it there, stuck in the snow. The poor thing.
I walked back up the driveway, hot and sweaty and tired, and we started her car, finally, and scraped off the ice, and I called work to say we were going to be late, and we managed to get her car out and get to work.
She's calling AAA to tow my car out of the snowbank, and her stupid fucking plow guy came and cleared the driveway (after we were at work), so I'll be able to drive home from her house.
But I definitely got my workout this morning, and if I don't feel up to riding that bike when I get home, I don't have to. Also, is it time to go home yet? Better yet, can it magically be later than that, so I'll just already be home, with my little red car in the garage, my pajamas on? Because that sounds amazing right now.
Sigh.
Anyway, back to the diet - I'm going to continue sticking to my calorie limit, and I'm going to continue to exercise every day, and we'll see what next Friday brings. I'm hoping for about 208.
Oh, also! I did so good last night! Jim called me on his way home and said he was at McDonald's, and he knew I was being good, but did I just want a small bag of fries or something? And I said no. I turned down McDonald's! Wow. I was proud of myself. (Also, I may have to have a double cheeseburger and fries on my next cheat day.)
Okay, that's all from me for now. I'm going to go wait for my feet, socks and pants to dry out. Have a good weekend!
I lied, I have more to say. While I was reading over all of the above, the woman whose driveway my poor car is stuck in came in to say that AAA won't come to tow the car without someone being there, so she told them to come at about 4:40 - after we've left work and gotten back to her house. But of course there's no guarantee they'll come right at 4:40, so I could be sitting at her house for a little while.
I really need my weekend now, please. Thanks.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Cyst News
I was supposed to have my cyst removed this Friday, but the doctor is going to be out of the office that day, so I had to reschedule. Now I'll be waiting until March 5th - only two more weeks, so that's fine.
Although I was kind of looking forward to getting it over with. :)
So, day one of behaving went really well! I stayed to the food I had scheduled for the day, and I rode the exercise bike for 15 minutes. The bike was harder than it has been, because Jim adjusted the tension on it - is that the right word? Anyway, he made it harder. I never touch the knob (it's Jim's bike, I don't want to mess up his settings), but apparently it was on like zero resistance, so he upped it. I did turn it back down a bit (he's in much better shape than I am), but I kept more on it than I've been feeling, and that 15 minutes seemed like it would never end! And when I was done, I was feeling out of breath and tired, which really, I should feel after a workout. So I was pleased with myself.
Today is day two! I have my food all planned for the day, for the most part. Dinner is a question mark, because Jim said he might get us Subway for dinner. If he doesn't, I'll have my last piece of leftover lasagna, so either way, I'll be happy. And I'll have enough calories left for either, so it won't matter which way we go.
I'm not looking forward to that bike tonight, though! :) I am, however, looking forward to watching the last night of the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show! I love dog shows. The working dogs are my favorite, and their group is tonight. Woo!
Although I was kind of looking forward to getting it over with. :)
So, day one of behaving went really well! I stayed to the food I had scheduled for the day, and I rode the exercise bike for 15 minutes. The bike was harder than it has been, because Jim adjusted the tension on it - is that the right word? Anyway, he made it harder. I never touch the knob (it's Jim's bike, I don't want to mess up his settings), but apparently it was on like zero resistance, so he upped it. I did turn it back down a bit (he's in much better shape than I am), but I kept more on it than I've been feeling, and that 15 minutes seemed like it would never end! And when I was done, I was feeling out of breath and tired, which really, I should feel after a workout. So I was pleased with myself.
Today is day two! I have my food all planned for the day, for the most part. Dinner is a question mark, because Jim said he might get us Subway for dinner. If he doesn't, I'll have my last piece of leftover lasagna, so either way, I'll be happy. And I'll have enough calories left for either, so it won't matter which way we go.
I'm not looking forward to that bike tonight, though! :) I am, however, looking forward to watching the last night of the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show! I love dog shows. The working dogs are my favorite, and their group is tonight. Woo!
Monday, February 15, 2010
Late February Pledge (to myself)
Today is February 15th, meaning there are exactly 14 days left in February (counting today). For the next 14 days, I am pledging the following:
1. I will stay within my calorie limits of 1250-1550 calories EVERY DAY, including Friday, Saturday and Sunday (my trouble times).
2. I will get my ass on the seat of our exercise bike, and I will ride it EVERY WEEKNIGHT. And when I say I will ride it, I mean I will push myself to go as fast and hard as I can, for as long as I can. And that will mean at least 15 minutes.
It's a simple pledge. It's something I've done for a lot longer than two weeks, so it should be a walk in the park. 2010 is my year! I have to keep reminding myself of that.
So, in other news, my Valentine's weekend went so well! I have the best Valentine ever in my Jim. He got me a new pair of boots that I had been coveting. He got me the latest book by Diana Gabaldon (I love the Jamie and Clare books, and I've actually planned to reread them all before reading this new one). He got me not one, not two, but three cards (he's a great card giver). He sent me the beautiful roses at work on Friday, which I spent the whole weekend carrying from room to room with me, so that they would always be in my line of sight. He took me to the movies on Saturday. And he made me lasagna and garlic bread last night for dinner! I ate two pieces of each, and then spent the night burping up cheese (lactose intolerant). I don't care, though, because it was delicious. I love lasagna!
Oh, and I made cutout sugar cookies, with homemade frosting. And I ate some. Ahem. :) Just a warning - this Friday's weigh-in may not be great. I'm looking forward to seeing what a difference two weeks of actually behaving can do for me, though.
1. I will stay within my calorie limits of 1250-1550 calories EVERY DAY, including Friday, Saturday and Sunday (my trouble times).
2. I will get my ass on the seat of our exercise bike, and I will ride it EVERY WEEKNIGHT. And when I say I will ride it, I mean I will push myself to go as fast and hard as I can, for as long as I can. And that will mean at least 15 minutes.
It's a simple pledge. It's something I've done for a lot longer than two weeks, so it should be a walk in the park. 2010 is my year! I have to keep reminding myself of that.
So, in other news, my Valentine's weekend went so well! I have the best Valentine ever in my Jim. He got me a new pair of boots that I had been coveting. He got me the latest book by Diana Gabaldon (I love the Jamie and Clare books, and I've actually planned to reread them all before reading this new one). He got me not one, not two, but three cards (he's a great card giver). He sent me the beautiful roses at work on Friday, which I spent the whole weekend carrying from room to room with me, so that they would always be in my line of sight. He took me to the movies on Saturday. And he made me lasagna and garlic bread last night for dinner! I ate two pieces of each, and then spent the night burping up cheese (lactose intolerant). I don't care, though, because it was delicious. I love lasagna!
Oh, and I made cutout sugar cookies, with homemade frosting. And I ate some. Ahem. :) Just a warning - this Friday's weigh-in may not be great. I'm looking forward to seeing what a difference two weeks of actually behaving can do for me, though.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
A New Day Dawns
Okay, yesterday I needed to eat all day, my head just needed me to stuff food in my mouth all day long, and I was all emotional and figuratively tearing my hair out, wailing, "why can't I succeed at my diet? Why?"
And then a new day dawns, and whatever was making me stuff food in my mouth all day yesterday has gone away, and I am once again in control and doing well.
The next time I get all whiny and despair of ever losing this weight, and wonder why, why, why - remind me, will you, that these days come every so often, but they go as quick as they came?
Thanks. :)
So yes, back in control today, and kind of wishing I were at home right now, because I want to do an exercise video. Hopefully that feeling will stay with me until I get home tonight. We'll see.
Thanks for the good thoughts and comments yesterday, Sally and Melissa! I actually haven't read them yet - I was so in my head and emotional yesterday, I just couldn't. Weird, but true. I'll read them as soon as I get done here, though.
It feels good to be back in control!
And then a new day dawns, and whatever was making me stuff food in my mouth all day yesterday has gone away, and I am once again in control and doing well.
The next time I get all whiny and despair of ever losing this weight, and wonder why, why, why - remind me, will you, that these days come every so often, but they go as quick as they came?
Thanks. :)
So yes, back in control today, and kind of wishing I were at home right now, because I want to do an exercise video. Hopefully that feeling will stay with me until I get home tonight. We'll see.
Thanks for the good thoughts and comments yesterday, Sally and Melissa! I actually haven't read them yet - I was so in my head and emotional yesterday, I just couldn't. Weird, but true. I'll read them as soon as I get done here, though.
It feels good to be back in control!
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Crisis
I'm having a crisis this week. I want to eat and eat, and I don't know why! I'm trying to examine my feelings and my moods, but I just don't know what the problem is. I'm not physically hungry at all, and yet I want to eat so much. Is it emotional issues? Is it hormones? I'm at the mid-point in my cycle, so it wouldn't seem like that would be it, but then maybe I'm ovulating and that's messing me up.
I have no idea.
If it's emotional, then what's my issue? Sure I gained the weight when Mom was sick and then after she died, but losing it won't make her die again, and keeping the weight on won't bring her back. Jim fell in love with me the way I am now, but he won't stop loving me if I lose weight. I know I gained some of the weight as a way to keep men away and to isolate myself because I was so afraid of facing my relationship issues, but I got past those and let Jim into my life, so I don't need to hold onto the weight out of insecurity anymore.
So what's going on? I still have no idea.
I'm not giving up, but I am struggling right now. I have to be honest about that. Losing weight, for me, is much more of an emotional struggle than a physical one. I'm trying to figure out what's in my head, so I can get past it.
Right now, though, all I want to do is eat. I'm trying not to eat too much.
Reading back over this just now, I was struck by another thought - do I think I'm not worth it? I don't know how to put this thought into words so you can understand, so I guess I'll just leave it at that. If that's what it is, though, I have news for my subconscious - I AM worth it. I deserve to be healthy and fit and happy, and I deserve to feel attractive.
I have no idea.
If it's emotional, then what's my issue? Sure I gained the weight when Mom was sick and then after she died, but losing it won't make her die again, and keeping the weight on won't bring her back. Jim fell in love with me the way I am now, but he won't stop loving me if I lose weight. I know I gained some of the weight as a way to keep men away and to isolate myself because I was so afraid of facing my relationship issues, but I got past those and let Jim into my life, so I don't need to hold onto the weight out of insecurity anymore.
So what's going on? I still have no idea.
I'm not giving up, but I am struggling right now. I have to be honest about that. Losing weight, for me, is much more of an emotional struggle than a physical one. I'm trying to figure out what's in my head, so I can get past it.
Right now, though, all I want to do is eat. I'm trying not to eat too much.
Reading back over this just now, I was struck by another thought - do I think I'm not worth it? I don't know how to put this thought into words so you can understand, so I guess I'll just leave it at that. If that's what it is, though, I have news for my subconscious - I AM worth it. I deserve to be healthy and fit and happy, and I deserve to feel attractive.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Cheat Day Heavy
I had two bad ideas yesterday. First was having a cheat day when I was going to be home alone all day. It means I basically spent the entire day eating while watching TV, eating while playing the Sims 3, eating while watching more TV, and oh yeah, eating while playing more Sims 3. And I did two loads of laundry and vacuumed the downstairs. That's about it. Oh, and I rode the exercise bike - for all of five minutes. Ha!
The second bad idea was going grocery shopping while I was hungry (hadn't eaten breakfast). As I'm sure you know, if you go grocery shopping while you're hungry, everything looks good. I ate xtra cheddar Goldfish, I ate chocolate chip cookie dough, I ate chocolate chip cookies, I ate frozen waffles, toasted and covered in maple syrup. Oy. I ate so much I had trouble falling asleep last night, I was so full (and kind of sick, honestly).
So now I will be spending the week attempting to reverse the damage. I didn't step on the scale this morning, and will be avoiding it until Friday, but let's just say that I'll be happy if I get down to 208 this week, because I know I gained weight yesterday.
Also, I think riding the exercise bike is good every so often, but I don't get that much of a cardiovascular workout from it. Maybe I just don't go fast enough, I don't know. I tend to get a better workout from videos, though, so I'm going to start cycling through some I have in my Netflix queue to watch instantly. If I do those for the rest of this month, three or four times a week, then I should be able to do the 30 day shred next month! I really want to test out Jillian Michael's claim that "you can lose up to 20 pounds" in one month while doing it! Not that I really expect to lose 20 pounds in one month, but I want to see how much I do lose.
I'm feeling kind of down on myself today, because I just ate SO MUCH yesterday. I feel like I'm spinning my wheels and not really accomplishing anything, even though I know that's not true. The weight may be coming off slowly, but at least it is coming off, and I'll keep up that steady forward progress.
That doesn't stop me from wishing it could all come off FAST, though. :P
If I do a video tonight, I'll let you know tomorrow how it went.
The second bad idea was going grocery shopping while I was hungry (hadn't eaten breakfast). As I'm sure you know, if you go grocery shopping while you're hungry, everything looks good. I ate xtra cheddar Goldfish, I ate chocolate chip cookie dough, I ate chocolate chip cookies, I ate frozen waffles, toasted and covered in maple syrup. Oy. I ate so much I had trouble falling asleep last night, I was so full (and kind of sick, honestly).
So now I will be spending the week attempting to reverse the damage. I didn't step on the scale this morning, and will be avoiding it until Friday, but let's just say that I'll be happy if I get down to 208 this week, because I know I gained weight yesterday.
Also, I think riding the exercise bike is good every so often, but I don't get that much of a cardiovascular workout from it. Maybe I just don't go fast enough, I don't know. I tend to get a better workout from videos, though, so I'm going to start cycling through some I have in my Netflix queue to watch instantly. If I do those for the rest of this month, three or four times a week, then I should be able to do the 30 day shred next month! I really want to test out Jillian Michael's claim that "you can lose up to 20 pounds" in one month while doing it! Not that I really expect to lose 20 pounds in one month, but I want to see how much I do lose.
I'm feeling kind of down on myself today, because I just ate SO MUCH yesterday. I feel like I'm spinning my wheels and not really accomplishing anything, even though I know that's not true. The weight may be coming off slowly, but at least it is coming off, and I'll keep up that steady forward progress.
That doesn't stop me from wishing it could all come off FAST, though. :P
If I do a video tonight, I'll let you know tomorrow how it went.
Friday, February 5, 2010
New Weight
Today is weigh-in day, yay! This morning I stepped on the scale and weighed 209.25. That's three and a half pounds less than last week, but you have to remember that the scale was adjusted after last week's weigh-in, so I have no idea how much I actually lost for sure. It was somewhere in the range of two pounds, though, so it's normal. Yay!
I'm giving myself a cheat day on Sunday, because it's Super Bowl Sunday, I'm going to be alone all day, and I've been wanting some chocolate chip cookie dough/cookies, so I'm giving it to myself that day. :) I'll try to stick to my calorie limit tomorrow, though.
One more week down!
I'm giving myself a cheat day on Sunday, because it's Super Bowl Sunday, I'm going to be alone all day, and I've been wanting some chocolate chip cookie dough/cookies, so I'm giving it to myself that day. :) I'll try to stick to my calorie limit tomorrow, though.
One more week down!
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Baby Steps
Last night Jim rode the exercise bike while I was on the phone with my phone company, checking on our Internet service, which has been out since Sunday night. And when he got off, I GOT ON! I only did 10 minutes, but I told myself that was the minimum I could do, and that's what I did. But still, I did it, so woo!
Can you tell I hate exercise? I seriously have to force myself to just do 10 minutes. Hee. Oh well.
Also, since our Internet has been out, I've been estimating my calories in the evenings (I usually keep track online with sparkpeople). Last night I actually ended up eating 100 or so calories less than I usually do, and I didn't really miss it! Odd, but true. I was really hungry when I got up this morning, though.
Hopefully our Internet will be back on this afternoon (if we don't need a new modem, which I'm almost thinking we do), and if so, I'll be able to keep track again. And I'll also sit down and try to do 15 minutes on the bike tonight.
Baby steps, people - it's how all changes begin, don't you think? :)
Can you tell I hate exercise? I seriously have to force myself to just do 10 minutes. Hee. Oh well.
Also, since our Internet has been out, I've been estimating my calories in the evenings (I usually keep track online with sparkpeople). Last night I actually ended up eating 100 or so calories less than I usually do, and I didn't really miss it! Odd, but true. I was really hungry when I got up this morning, though.
Hopefully our Internet will be back on this afternoon (if we don't need a new modem, which I'm almost thinking we do), and if so, I'll be able to keep track again. And I'll also sit down and try to do 15 minutes on the bike tonight.
Baby steps, people - it's how all changes begin, don't you think? :)
Monday, February 1, 2010
February's Goals
A new month has started, and just like that I'm in month two of my effort to lose weight in 2010! I feel like January was pretty successful, but I also feel like I can do way better. So here are some goals for February!
First of all, I've been very bad on the weekends in January. I basically weighed in on Friday morning and immediately started eating whatever I wanted, and didn't stop until Sunday night. That makes three cheat days, if you're counting, and that's about two per week too many. So goal number one:
1. Limit myself to ONE cheat day per week. I'll decide in advance which day that is going to be, depending on what day Jim is going to be home, what we have planned, etc. That cheat day will probably always be either Saturday or Sunday. On the six non-cheat days I will stick to my daily limit of 1250-1550 calories.
Second of all, I have been very bad at exercising, in that except for a few simple exercises to loosen up my tight neck and shoulder muscles, I haven't done any exercising at all yet this year! Obviously that can't continue, because as much as I wish it wasn't so, exercise is a vital part of any weight loss endeavor. So goal number two for this month:
2. Exercise at least four days per week. I'll start out with at least 10 minutes on the exercise bike, since I've done nothing at all for so long. Once I start to get into better shape and can do more, I'll add more minutes every day. My goal eventually is to try Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred. I've heard that it's a killer, though, so I'll wait until at least March for that. February can be my training month (and if you know anything about this video, and think I should wait longer, please tell me - I don't want to push myself, but I do need to step up the exercising).
I'm not setting a weight loss goal for the month, because that kind of thing tends to backfire on me if I don't make it (i.e., I make a goal, don't reach it, and then overeat for a while to console myself). I'm getting closer to that ever elusive under 200 number, though, and I should be able to reach it in March, at the latest. Here's hoping!
Okay, two simple goals. If I stick to them, though, February can be a very successful month!
First of all, I've been very bad on the weekends in January. I basically weighed in on Friday morning and immediately started eating whatever I wanted, and didn't stop until Sunday night. That makes three cheat days, if you're counting, and that's about two per week too many. So goal number one:
1. Limit myself to ONE cheat day per week. I'll decide in advance which day that is going to be, depending on what day Jim is going to be home, what we have planned, etc. That cheat day will probably always be either Saturday or Sunday. On the six non-cheat days I will stick to my daily limit of 1250-1550 calories.
Second of all, I have been very bad at exercising, in that except for a few simple exercises to loosen up my tight neck and shoulder muscles, I haven't done any exercising at all yet this year! Obviously that can't continue, because as much as I wish it wasn't so, exercise is a vital part of any weight loss endeavor. So goal number two for this month:
2. Exercise at least four days per week. I'll start out with at least 10 minutes on the exercise bike, since I've done nothing at all for so long. Once I start to get into better shape and can do more, I'll add more minutes every day. My goal eventually is to try Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred. I've heard that it's a killer, though, so I'll wait until at least March for that. February can be my training month (and if you know anything about this video, and think I should wait longer, please tell me - I don't want to push myself, but I do need to step up the exercising).
I'm not setting a weight loss goal for the month, because that kind of thing tends to backfire on me if I don't make it (i.e., I make a goal, don't reach it, and then overeat for a while to console myself). I'm getting closer to that ever elusive under 200 number, though, and I should be able to reach it in March, at the latest. Here's hoping!
Okay, two simple goals. If I stick to them, though, February can be a very successful month!
Friday, January 29, 2010
January 29 Weigh In
I had to open up my blog this morning to find out how much I weighed last week, because I couldn't remember, so I didn't know how well I had done this week. Well, good news! Last week I weighed 214.75, and this week I weighed in at 212.75! Yay!
(Of course, in my head I'm adding that I weighed 212.75, but really it's about 209.75 because our scale is wrong.)
Anyway, yay! And I know I should be taking this week by week, day by day, and I really am, but I can't help thinking that in 5 short weeks I could finally be under that 200 number again! Technically, I was there last summer, but I didn't know my scale was weighing in heavy at the time, so when I got to 200.5 and started freaking out for some stupid reason that only my subconscious knows, I was actually about 197.5. But I didn't know the scale was wrong then, so whatever - it doesn't count. So I'm looking forward to getting there for real in the beginning of March.
There is other progress, too. When my two months of eating whatever I want ended, I no longer needed a belt with most of my pants, and the two pair that did require one only needed the belt in the first hole (or last hole, depending on your perspective, I guess - I mean it was at its largest, obviously.). This week I started pulling that belt in one more hole. :)
It feels good to be going back down instead of up.
Woo! Two more pounds gone!
(Of course, in my head I'm adding that I weighed 212.75, but really it's about 209.75 because our scale is wrong.)
Anyway, yay! And I know I should be taking this week by week, day by day, and I really am, but I can't help thinking that in 5 short weeks I could finally be under that 200 number again! Technically, I was there last summer, but I didn't know my scale was weighing in heavy at the time, so when I got to 200.5 and started freaking out for some stupid reason that only my subconscious knows, I was actually about 197.5. But I didn't know the scale was wrong then, so whatever - it doesn't count. So I'm looking forward to getting there for real in the beginning of March.
There is other progress, too. When my two months of eating whatever I want ended, I no longer needed a belt with most of my pants, and the two pair that did require one only needed the belt in the first hole (or last hole, depending on your perspective, I guess - I mean it was at its largest, obviously.). This week I started pulling that belt in one more hole. :)
It feels good to be going back down instead of up.
Woo! Two more pounds gone!
Friday, January 22, 2010
Weigh-In
Well, not great news from the scale this week, but I'm not upset about it for one simple reason - I'm on day 38 of my monthly cycle (not abnormally late for me), so my period is gearing up to come at some point soon, I would guess, and I always gain some water weight with that. So I may have actually lost more weight than the scale is showing.
Also, I've been reading that book I mentioned here yesterday, and reevaluating how I think about food in general, so I'm considering this a bit of a learning period anyway.
That all being said, I weighed 214.75 this morning, so I lost half a pound this week. Any loss is good, so water weight issues aside, I'll take it! (Plus, I love knowing that my scale is weighing heavy - I take comfort in the fact that my true weight is more like 211.75. :)
I also, of course had that bad day on Wednesday, where I ate just about everything in sight. But what's done is done.
So like I said, I've been reading through some more of that book I told you about yesterday. The author encourages you to get more in touch with your body and what it is craving/needing. I'm paying more attention to what I'm eating and why, which is a great thing. I'd love to get to a point someday where I'm giving my body what it is telling me it needs, instead of just eating mindlessly. It just takes some work to figure out how to understand my body and what it's telling me, versus what my emotions/mind are telling me to do.
I'm enjoying the book so far, I really am.
This afternoon I have my first ever mammogram - wish me luck!
Also, I've been reading that book I mentioned here yesterday, and reevaluating how I think about food in general, so I'm considering this a bit of a learning period anyway.
That all being said, I weighed 214.75 this morning, so I lost half a pound this week. Any loss is good, so water weight issues aside, I'll take it! (Plus, I love knowing that my scale is weighing heavy - I take comfort in the fact that my true weight is more like 211.75. :)
I also, of course had that bad day on Wednesday, where I ate just about everything in sight. But what's done is done.
So like I said, I've been reading through some more of that book I told you about yesterday. The author encourages you to get more in touch with your body and what it is craving/needing. I'm paying more attention to what I'm eating and why, which is a great thing. I'd love to get to a point someday where I'm giving my body what it is telling me it needs, instead of just eating mindlessly. It just takes some work to figure out how to understand my body and what it's telling me, versus what my emotions/mind are telling me to do.
I'm enjoying the book so far, I really am.
This afternoon I have my first ever mammogram - wish me luck!
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Why I Eat...Usually Isn't Hunger!
Yesterday I had a doctor's appointment - just my annual pap smear, no big deal. I also had a couple other issues to discuss with her, though, and oh yeah - I turned 40, so it turned out she had a couple of surprises in store for me, too.
We talked about a lot of things, and I was examined in various ways, and she asked me lots of questions about how my health has been, and about my family health history (I swear she was shocked by how much my mom had wrong with her - the woman had everything, just about). She told me I need to start exercising, to help avoid both heart disease (mom had it) and diabetes (mom had it). I knew both of those things, and I swear, I really will start exercising, once my arms are feeling better (long story short, I pulled or pinched or tore something in my right elbow in December when picking up a box, and it's still bothering me - the doctor said I probably had a pinched nerve, and I need to ice it and take Ibuprofen to reduce swelling; as for my left arm, my shoulder and neck have been very tight and sore, but I'm exercising them and doing what I can to loosen it back up). Then she asked me how often I go to the dentist, and I had to admit it had been a couple of years (I've been putting off going because I need crowns and can't afford them). Then she asked me if I flossed, and I said no.
Did you know gum disease can lead to heart disease somehow? You do now. I swear I'm going to start flossing, too.
So I got poked and prodded and have to go get my very first mammogram on Friday and have to go back next Thursday morning to have fasting bloodwork taken, and she'll talk to me about the results of the bloodwork when I see her in February for my cyst removal. Here's hoping the numbers aren't bad.
And here's where my day fell apart, food wise. I left this very thorough exam feeling rather...violated...I guess. (I had a rectal exam, people, AND a pap smear and breast exam - this woman had contact with every personal, private area I possess!) So what did I do when I left the doctor's office? I drove straight to McDonald's and got a cheeseburger (ketchup only) and small fry for lunch. Then, because I hadn't used my lunch money that work gives me for lunch, I used it to buy two diet sodas for this weekend, and TWO CANDY BARS. Then I came back to work and proceeded to eat both of them.
And that wasn't the end of it, oh no. I went home and ate my barbecued chicken breast and rice for dinner, with a glass of 2% lactose free milk (the one good thing I ate all afternoon). And I followed it up with a 100 calorie pack of yogurt covered pretzels, a small box of yogurt covered raisins and two pieces of cheese, eaten with crackers.
Oh yes, I did manage to go about 1,000 calories over my daily limit, simply because I was feeling "violated" and like I needed some comfort.
And that makes this next part all the more necessary and fitting. I had a book waiting at the library for me, and I went in last night and picked it up, and started reading it. What book was it?
"Breaking Free from Emotional Eating," by Geneen Roth.
I read a little bit last night, and so far I've agreed with everything I've read. For instance, when was the last time you ate because you were actually hungry? For me, it had been a while. I eat out of habit - it's 10:00, must be time for a mid-morning snack! It's 11:30, must be time for lunch! Am I hungry? Who knows, but I have to eat!
Well, she tells you to stop and think about it. She talks about a sliding scale of hunger - 1 to 10, with one being you're about to eat someone's arm you're so hungry, and 10 being you're stuffed. She encourages you to stop eating and wait to see how long it takes you to get hungry.
For the record, I waited this morning. I wasn't hungry at all when I got here at 8:00 - by the time I went to lunch my hunger level was at about a four, I'd say. I was very hungry, and very happy to go to lunch, but I wasn't starving to death.
So now I'm trying to think about why I'm eating (such as, habit, or because of some want or emotion I don't know how to take care of without food). And I'm looking forward to reading more of this book.
Oh, and another neat result of this doctor's visit! Jim had been telling me he thought the bathroom scale (a doctor's scale that my mom bought in the 80s) was weighing heavy, so yesterday I tested it out. I weighed myself when I was all dressed and ready to go to work, minus my shoes. I weighed 217.25 (three pounds more than I weighed naked). When I got to the doctor's office, I stepped on the scale wearing the same thing, with a full bladder (I knew I was going to have to pee in a cup, so I didn't go before I left work to head to the doctor's office), and I weighed 214.24. So apparently our scale DOES weigh a bit heavy!
Which is a good thing, because now I weigh less than I thought! Yay! But we need to adjust the scale so that it's right again. I'm not sure what this is going to do to my monthly weight figures. I think I'll just use the numbers it's giving me right now, and when we get the scale adjusted, I'll make a note and adjust them. (Adjusting the scale seems pretty easy. I'm going to see if Jim will bring a few of his weights up from the basement, so we can put them on the scale knowing how much they weigh (say, 200 pounds or maybe 150), and adjust the little screw on the scale until it reads what it should read.)
Okay, novel of an entry written. Bye all!
We talked about a lot of things, and I was examined in various ways, and she asked me lots of questions about how my health has been, and about my family health history (I swear she was shocked by how much my mom had wrong with her - the woman had everything, just about). She told me I need to start exercising, to help avoid both heart disease (mom had it) and diabetes (mom had it). I knew both of those things, and I swear, I really will start exercising, once my arms are feeling better (long story short, I pulled or pinched or tore something in my right elbow in December when picking up a box, and it's still bothering me - the doctor said I probably had a pinched nerve, and I need to ice it and take Ibuprofen to reduce swelling; as for my left arm, my shoulder and neck have been very tight and sore, but I'm exercising them and doing what I can to loosen it back up). Then she asked me how often I go to the dentist, and I had to admit it had been a couple of years (I've been putting off going because I need crowns and can't afford them). Then she asked me if I flossed, and I said no.
Did you know gum disease can lead to heart disease somehow? You do now. I swear I'm going to start flossing, too.
So I got poked and prodded and have to go get my very first mammogram on Friday and have to go back next Thursday morning to have fasting bloodwork taken, and she'll talk to me about the results of the bloodwork when I see her in February for my cyst removal. Here's hoping the numbers aren't bad.
And here's where my day fell apart, food wise. I left this very thorough exam feeling rather...violated...I guess. (I had a rectal exam, people, AND a pap smear and breast exam - this woman had contact with every personal, private area I possess!) So what did I do when I left the doctor's office? I drove straight to McDonald's and got a cheeseburger (ketchup only) and small fry for lunch. Then, because I hadn't used my lunch money that work gives me for lunch, I used it to buy two diet sodas for this weekend, and TWO CANDY BARS. Then I came back to work and proceeded to eat both of them.
And that wasn't the end of it, oh no. I went home and ate my barbecued chicken breast and rice for dinner, with a glass of 2% lactose free milk (the one good thing I ate all afternoon). And I followed it up with a 100 calorie pack of yogurt covered pretzels, a small box of yogurt covered raisins and two pieces of cheese, eaten with crackers.
Oh yes, I did manage to go about 1,000 calories over my daily limit, simply because I was feeling "violated" and like I needed some comfort.
And that makes this next part all the more necessary and fitting. I had a book waiting at the library for me, and I went in last night and picked it up, and started reading it. What book was it?
"Breaking Free from Emotional Eating," by Geneen Roth.
I read a little bit last night, and so far I've agreed with everything I've read. For instance, when was the last time you ate because you were actually hungry? For me, it had been a while. I eat out of habit - it's 10:00, must be time for a mid-morning snack! It's 11:30, must be time for lunch! Am I hungry? Who knows, but I have to eat!
Well, she tells you to stop and think about it. She talks about a sliding scale of hunger - 1 to 10, with one being you're about to eat someone's arm you're so hungry, and 10 being you're stuffed. She encourages you to stop eating and wait to see how long it takes you to get hungry.
For the record, I waited this morning. I wasn't hungry at all when I got here at 8:00 - by the time I went to lunch my hunger level was at about a four, I'd say. I was very hungry, and very happy to go to lunch, but I wasn't starving to death.
So now I'm trying to think about why I'm eating (such as, habit, or because of some want or emotion I don't know how to take care of without food). And I'm looking forward to reading more of this book.
Oh, and another neat result of this doctor's visit! Jim had been telling me he thought the bathroom scale (a doctor's scale that my mom bought in the 80s) was weighing heavy, so yesterday I tested it out. I weighed myself when I was all dressed and ready to go to work, minus my shoes. I weighed 217.25 (three pounds more than I weighed naked). When I got to the doctor's office, I stepped on the scale wearing the same thing, with a full bladder (I knew I was going to have to pee in a cup, so I didn't go before I left work to head to the doctor's office), and I weighed 214.24. So apparently our scale DOES weigh a bit heavy!
Which is a good thing, because now I weigh less than I thought! Yay! But we need to adjust the scale so that it's right again. I'm not sure what this is going to do to my monthly weight figures. I think I'll just use the numbers it's giving me right now, and when we get the scale adjusted, I'll make a note and adjust them. (Adjusting the scale seems pretty easy. I'm going to see if Jim will bring a few of his weights up from the basement, so we can put them on the scale knowing how much they weigh (say, 200 pounds or maybe 150), and adjust the little screw on the scale until it reads what it should read.)
Okay, novel of an entry written. Bye all!
Friday, January 15, 2010
Weigh-In
Today is weigh-in day! I'm going to talk about last night first, though.
So, I was alone again last night - Jim was at work. I wanted to snack so bad! I had my salmon for dinner, but I didn't feel like making the potatoes (which is truly a sign of my laziness about cooking when Jim isn't home, because they're instant potatoes - making them really couldn't be much easier), so I had a glass of milk, a small box of yogurt raisins, a 100 calorie pack of Cheese Nips and a granola bar for dinner. Weird, yes? :D Oh well, it worked.
When I was done with all of that, I of course wasn't hungry, and yet I wanted to snack! I was home alone, snacking is what I've always done in that situation. I eventually gave in a little, but only by eating five strawberry Mini Wheats, so it wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been. I haven't done the math, but that's not many calories over my upper limit. And then I stopped and just watched TV and relaxed until bedtime, snacking jones gone. Thankfully.
And then this morning I got up and weighed in, and the scale told me I had lost 2.5 pounds since I started trying again on the 5th! Woo! I am now 215.5. I was very happy to see a loss.
I'm shooting for losing two pounds a week, so here's hoping 213.5 shows on that scale a week from today. :)
So, I was alone again last night - Jim was at work. I wanted to snack so bad! I had my salmon for dinner, but I didn't feel like making the potatoes (which is truly a sign of my laziness about cooking when Jim isn't home, because they're instant potatoes - making them really couldn't be much easier), so I had a glass of milk, a small box of yogurt raisins, a 100 calorie pack of Cheese Nips and a granola bar for dinner. Weird, yes? :D Oh well, it worked.
When I was done with all of that, I of course wasn't hungry, and yet I wanted to snack! I was home alone, snacking is what I've always done in that situation. I eventually gave in a little, but only by eating five strawberry Mini Wheats, so it wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been. I haven't done the math, but that's not many calories over my upper limit. And then I stopped and just watched TV and relaxed until bedtime, snacking jones gone. Thankfully.
And then this morning I got up and weighed in, and the scale told me I had lost 2.5 pounds since I started trying again on the 5th! Woo! I am now 215.5. I was very happy to see a loss.
I'm shooting for losing two pounds a week, so here's hoping 213.5 shows on that scale a week from today. :)
Thursday, January 14, 2010
1550 Calories in My Wednesday
I told you I do better on nights when Jim is home with me. Last night when I got home I made some eggs and toast for dinner, and had 150 calories left when I was done, so later on I had a 100 calorie pack and 3/4 of a piece of cheese, and ended up at exactly 1550. Now obviously, I didn't really need to make sure I hit the upper limit of my range, but I was hungry, so I did. But then I stopped eating, so woo! Go me!
Jim is going to be at work tonight, so here's hoping I can build on that one good day by being good tonight when I'm alone with the dogs. I took a salmon filet out of the freezer this morning, which I'll have with some potatoes, so dinner is set. We don't have much snacky stuff in the house, so I should be okay. I'll let you know. :)
Jim is going to be at work tonight, so here's hoping I can build on that one good day by being good tonight when I'm alone with the dogs. I took a salmon filet out of the freezer this morning, which I'll have with some potatoes, so dinner is set. We don't have much snacky stuff in the house, so I should be okay. I'll let you know. :)
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