I've been thinking a lot of what I said at the end of the last post I wrote here. I haven't had a "healthy" relationship with food for so many years - most of my life! I'd say the last point in my life where I ate when I was hungry, exercised more than I ate, and didn't feel the need to eat in response to emotions instead of physical hunger has to be back when I was a pre-teen.
I'm 40 now. That means I've been dealing with this obsession and unhealthy attitude with food for close to 30 years! It's just not good, and I can't stand it anymore.
I'm also sick to death of recording my food in Spark People every day. It's a great tool, and it's helped me to realize how much of a difference there is between what I need to eat, and how much I want to eat. But I'm sick of doing it.
I'm sick of "dieting." I'm sick of some foods being off limits. I'm sick of having to stop and think about whether or not I have enough calories left to let myself have a Skinny Cow ice cream cone at the end of the day.
I've had enough.
I'm not giving up on losing weight - not at all. But I think right now, I need to concentrate more on fixing this dysfunctional relationship with food that I have. Yesterday I looked at my stack of snacks that I keep on my desk at work (100 calorie packs, applesauce, yogurt covered raisins), and said to myself, "it's just food." And that's true. It's not going to make me happy when I'm sad, it's not going to make me any less lonely when Jim is at work and I am missing him, it's not going to make me any less bored when I have nothing to do, it's not going to make the hours at work go by any faster.
It's just food.
So I'm not weighing in for a while. I'm not counting calories for a while. I'm just going to put that stuff on the back burner for a while and focus on training myself to listen to my body to tell me what it needs. I can trust it - it knows what it's doing. My head is screwed up, but my body has always known what it needs.
When I want to snack, I'll stop and examine my motives for it. Am I hungry? If not, then what am I? Am I bored, lonely, sad? Am I eating out of habit? If the reason isn't hunger, then I need to figure out what the reason is, so I can stop just blindly shoving food in my mouth and not knowing why.
And damn it, if I want to eat French fries sometimes, if I want to get chocolate chip cookie dough and bake it, I'm going to let myself. I'll have them, I'll stop eating them when I'm full, and I'll move on.
I'll check back in with a weight in a month. Okay, a month and one day - I'll weigh in again, officially, on March 26th. And in the meantime, I'll check in and let you know how it's going. When I want to eat for emotional reasons and don't, I'll let you know. When I want to eat for emotional reasons and am not able to stop myself, I'll tell you that, too. Hopefully by the time the month is over, I'll be more in tune with my body, I'll be obsessing a little less over junk food and all of the stuff that is "off limits" and hopefully, I'll be a bit smaller. We'll see.
All I know for sure at this point is that I can't continue to live my life like this. I can't go on obsessing about food. I can't go on eating away my emotions (because it doesn't work anyway - the emotions are still there when the food is gone).
Here's to starting to develop a healthier relationship with food.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Crampy!
It's been a crampy, pain filled week around here. I've been bloated and popping Advil and feeling like a half drowned cow.
Lovely, yes?
But the cramps are going away, the pain is receding, and I no longer feel like I'm carrying a gallon of water around in my belly fat. So, things are looking up.
Isn't it fun being a woman sometimes? :D
I stepped on the scale this morning, with it set at last week's Friday Weigh-In weight. It laughed at me and said I needed to think again, because I may have felt like I had gotten back to normal, but in reality I was still holding onto a lot of water. Or else I ate too many fries last night.
Yes, I had fries. The restaurant I do marketing for at work called and offered me food in exchange for delivering their updated menu to them. They asked if they could bribe me with food, and I said you can ALWAYS bribe me with food. And I took my chicken tenders (barbecue flavor) and fries, handed them their menus, and drooled all the way home.
In all fairness, though, I only ate two of the tenders - the rest are in the fridge for tonight's dinner. I did eat all of the fries, though. And I don't regret it - they were delicious. :)
We'll see if the scale is still laughing at me on Friday, though. Oy.
Do you ever wish you could just stop having to think about food? Do you ever wish you could just eat when you were hungry, giving your body what it was craving, without worrying about calories, carbs or fat grams? Do you ever wish you could go back to the way it was when you were a little kid, and food was something to enjoy but not something to obsess over?
Or is that just me?
Lovely, yes?
But the cramps are going away, the pain is receding, and I no longer feel like I'm carrying a gallon of water around in my belly fat. So, things are looking up.
Isn't it fun being a woman sometimes? :D
I stepped on the scale this morning, with it set at last week's Friday Weigh-In weight. It laughed at me and said I needed to think again, because I may have felt like I had gotten back to normal, but in reality I was still holding onto a lot of water. Or else I ate too many fries last night.
Yes, I had fries. The restaurant I do marketing for at work called and offered me food in exchange for delivering their updated menu to them. They asked if they could bribe me with food, and I said you can ALWAYS bribe me with food. And I took my chicken tenders (barbecue flavor) and fries, handed them their menus, and drooled all the way home.
In all fairness, though, I only ate two of the tenders - the rest are in the fridge for tonight's dinner. I did eat all of the fries, though. And I don't regret it - they were delicious. :)
We'll see if the scale is still laughing at me on Friday, though. Oy.
Do you ever wish you could just stop having to think about food? Do you ever wish you could just eat when you were hungry, giving your body what it was craving, without worrying about calories, carbs or fat grams? Do you ever wish you could go back to the way it was when you were a little kid, and food was something to enjoy but not something to obsess over?
Or is that just me?
Friday, February 19, 2010
Gah! Effing Winter Anyway
Okay, first for my weigh-in. I told you not to expect big things this week, and I wasn't exaggerating. I spent what, a week and a half eating too much? Something like that. And I'm a champion weight gainer, so after four days of being good again, I'm only at 210 - 3/4 of a pound more than I was two weeks ago. I expected that, though, so I'm not upset. You misbehave, and you pay the price. It's simple.
But I've been really good this week, sticking to my calories every day and riding that exercise bike every night. I'll tell you right now, though, that I'm giving myself a pass on that bike tonight. Why? Here's why.
I don't know if I've mentioned in here before or not that I've been giving a woman from work a ride every day since the beginning of the semester, because she fell and broke her ankle. It was her left ankle, and she drives an automatic, so really she should have been fine to drive herself, but she's older (62) and a nervous person, and she didn't feel comfortable driving herself. Which is fine. I was fine picking her up every morning and dropping her off every night. We've had no problems at all the whole time. Until this morning.
It's snowy here this morning. The roads were covered in it, and so are the driveways. Her plow guy, for some reason, doesn't like to come plow her driveway unless she calls him. She has a driveway that goes uphill, and lives in a very windy area, so as you can imagine, her driveway gets pretty bad.
So, I get there, and look up the driveway, wondering if it's a good idea to pull up it, but I do anyway. I get to the top without any problems, and she asks if she can ride with me (she went to the doctor on Wednesday, and got the all clear to put her weight on her foot, so she actually drove herself yesterday, and I just stopped to make sure she got down her stairs and into her car okay - that was the plan for today, too). But this morning the car was covered with ice, and she panicked and didn't want to be standing around the car scraping it off - she was afraid of falling. Of course, if she had just gone out 20 minutes earlier and started the car and turned on the defrosters, there wouldn't have been any scraping to do, but whatever.
Of course I said fine, you can ride with me. And I tried to turn around to get closer to her, and also to get the car aimed nose first down the driveway. And I got stuck.
Fuck! I got out and used her shovel to clear the snow away from the tires, and actually got free. I couldn't get the car to drive back straight up, so I tried to back all the way down. Only I couldn't see where the driveway ended and the lawn began (that's a problem when the driveway HASN'T BEEN PLOWED), and I got stuck AGAIN. And this time no matter how much I shoveled, I couldn't get my car free. We had to leave it there, stuck in the snow. The poor thing.
I walked back up the driveway, hot and sweaty and tired, and we started her car, finally, and scraped off the ice, and I called work to say we were going to be late, and we managed to get her car out and get to work.
She's calling AAA to tow my car out of the snowbank, and her stupid fucking plow guy came and cleared the driveway (after we were at work), so I'll be able to drive home from her house.
But I definitely got my workout this morning, and if I don't feel up to riding that bike when I get home, I don't have to. Also, is it time to go home yet? Better yet, can it magically be later than that, so I'll just already be home, with my little red car in the garage, my pajamas on? Because that sounds amazing right now.
Sigh.
Anyway, back to the diet - I'm going to continue sticking to my calorie limit, and I'm going to continue to exercise every day, and we'll see what next Friday brings. I'm hoping for about 208.
Oh, also! I did so good last night! Jim called me on his way home and said he was at McDonald's, and he knew I was being good, but did I just want a small bag of fries or something? And I said no. I turned down McDonald's! Wow. I was proud of myself. (Also, I may have to have a double cheeseburger and fries on my next cheat day.)
Okay, that's all from me for now. I'm going to go wait for my feet, socks and pants to dry out. Have a good weekend!
I lied, I have more to say. While I was reading over all of the above, the woman whose driveway my poor car is stuck in came in to say that AAA won't come to tow the car without someone being there, so she told them to come at about 4:40 - after we've left work and gotten back to her house. But of course there's no guarantee they'll come right at 4:40, so I could be sitting at her house for a little while.
I really need my weekend now, please. Thanks.
But I've been really good this week, sticking to my calories every day and riding that exercise bike every night. I'll tell you right now, though, that I'm giving myself a pass on that bike tonight. Why? Here's why.
I don't know if I've mentioned in here before or not that I've been giving a woman from work a ride every day since the beginning of the semester, because she fell and broke her ankle. It was her left ankle, and she drives an automatic, so really she should have been fine to drive herself, but she's older (62) and a nervous person, and she didn't feel comfortable driving herself. Which is fine. I was fine picking her up every morning and dropping her off every night. We've had no problems at all the whole time. Until this morning.
It's snowy here this morning. The roads were covered in it, and so are the driveways. Her plow guy, for some reason, doesn't like to come plow her driveway unless she calls him. She has a driveway that goes uphill, and lives in a very windy area, so as you can imagine, her driveway gets pretty bad.
So, I get there, and look up the driveway, wondering if it's a good idea to pull up it, but I do anyway. I get to the top without any problems, and she asks if she can ride with me (she went to the doctor on Wednesday, and got the all clear to put her weight on her foot, so she actually drove herself yesterday, and I just stopped to make sure she got down her stairs and into her car okay - that was the plan for today, too). But this morning the car was covered with ice, and she panicked and didn't want to be standing around the car scraping it off - she was afraid of falling. Of course, if she had just gone out 20 minutes earlier and started the car and turned on the defrosters, there wouldn't have been any scraping to do, but whatever.
Of course I said fine, you can ride with me. And I tried to turn around to get closer to her, and also to get the car aimed nose first down the driveway. And I got stuck.
Fuck! I got out and used her shovel to clear the snow away from the tires, and actually got free. I couldn't get the car to drive back straight up, so I tried to back all the way down. Only I couldn't see where the driveway ended and the lawn began (that's a problem when the driveway HASN'T BEEN PLOWED), and I got stuck AGAIN. And this time no matter how much I shoveled, I couldn't get my car free. We had to leave it there, stuck in the snow. The poor thing.
I walked back up the driveway, hot and sweaty and tired, and we started her car, finally, and scraped off the ice, and I called work to say we were going to be late, and we managed to get her car out and get to work.
She's calling AAA to tow my car out of the snowbank, and her stupid fucking plow guy came and cleared the driveway (after we were at work), so I'll be able to drive home from her house.
But I definitely got my workout this morning, and if I don't feel up to riding that bike when I get home, I don't have to. Also, is it time to go home yet? Better yet, can it magically be later than that, so I'll just already be home, with my little red car in the garage, my pajamas on? Because that sounds amazing right now.
Sigh.
Anyway, back to the diet - I'm going to continue sticking to my calorie limit, and I'm going to continue to exercise every day, and we'll see what next Friday brings. I'm hoping for about 208.
Oh, also! I did so good last night! Jim called me on his way home and said he was at McDonald's, and he knew I was being good, but did I just want a small bag of fries or something? And I said no. I turned down McDonald's! Wow. I was proud of myself. (Also, I may have to have a double cheeseburger and fries on my next cheat day.)
Okay, that's all from me for now. I'm going to go wait for my feet, socks and pants to dry out. Have a good weekend!
I lied, I have more to say. While I was reading over all of the above, the woman whose driveway my poor car is stuck in came in to say that AAA won't come to tow the car without someone being there, so she told them to come at about 4:40 - after we've left work and gotten back to her house. But of course there's no guarantee they'll come right at 4:40, so I could be sitting at her house for a little while.
I really need my weekend now, please. Thanks.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Cyst News
I was supposed to have my cyst removed this Friday, but the doctor is going to be out of the office that day, so I had to reschedule. Now I'll be waiting until March 5th - only two more weeks, so that's fine.
Although I was kind of looking forward to getting it over with. :)
So, day one of behaving went really well! I stayed to the food I had scheduled for the day, and I rode the exercise bike for 15 minutes. The bike was harder than it has been, because Jim adjusted the tension on it - is that the right word? Anyway, he made it harder. I never touch the knob (it's Jim's bike, I don't want to mess up his settings), but apparently it was on like zero resistance, so he upped it. I did turn it back down a bit (he's in much better shape than I am), but I kept more on it than I've been feeling, and that 15 minutes seemed like it would never end! And when I was done, I was feeling out of breath and tired, which really, I should feel after a workout. So I was pleased with myself.
Today is day two! I have my food all planned for the day, for the most part. Dinner is a question mark, because Jim said he might get us Subway for dinner. If he doesn't, I'll have my last piece of leftover lasagna, so either way, I'll be happy. And I'll have enough calories left for either, so it won't matter which way we go.
I'm not looking forward to that bike tonight, though! :) I am, however, looking forward to watching the last night of the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show! I love dog shows. The working dogs are my favorite, and their group is tonight. Woo!
Although I was kind of looking forward to getting it over with. :)
So, day one of behaving went really well! I stayed to the food I had scheduled for the day, and I rode the exercise bike for 15 minutes. The bike was harder than it has been, because Jim adjusted the tension on it - is that the right word? Anyway, he made it harder. I never touch the knob (it's Jim's bike, I don't want to mess up his settings), but apparently it was on like zero resistance, so he upped it. I did turn it back down a bit (he's in much better shape than I am), but I kept more on it than I've been feeling, and that 15 minutes seemed like it would never end! And when I was done, I was feeling out of breath and tired, which really, I should feel after a workout. So I was pleased with myself.
Today is day two! I have my food all planned for the day, for the most part. Dinner is a question mark, because Jim said he might get us Subway for dinner. If he doesn't, I'll have my last piece of leftover lasagna, so either way, I'll be happy. And I'll have enough calories left for either, so it won't matter which way we go.
I'm not looking forward to that bike tonight, though! :) I am, however, looking forward to watching the last night of the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show! I love dog shows. The working dogs are my favorite, and their group is tonight. Woo!
Monday, February 15, 2010
Late February Pledge (to myself)
Today is February 15th, meaning there are exactly 14 days left in February (counting today). For the next 14 days, I am pledging the following:
1. I will stay within my calorie limits of 1250-1550 calories EVERY DAY, including Friday, Saturday and Sunday (my trouble times).
2. I will get my ass on the seat of our exercise bike, and I will ride it EVERY WEEKNIGHT. And when I say I will ride it, I mean I will push myself to go as fast and hard as I can, for as long as I can. And that will mean at least 15 minutes.
It's a simple pledge. It's something I've done for a lot longer than two weeks, so it should be a walk in the park. 2010 is my year! I have to keep reminding myself of that.
So, in other news, my Valentine's weekend went so well! I have the best Valentine ever in my Jim. He got me a new pair of boots that I had been coveting. He got me the latest book by Diana Gabaldon (I love the Jamie and Clare books, and I've actually planned to reread them all before reading this new one). He got me not one, not two, but three cards (he's a great card giver). He sent me the beautiful roses at work on Friday, which I spent the whole weekend carrying from room to room with me, so that they would always be in my line of sight. He took me to the movies on Saturday. And he made me lasagna and garlic bread last night for dinner! I ate two pieces of each, and then spent the night burping up cheese (lactose intolerant). I don't care, though, because it was delicious. I love lasagna!
Oh, and I made cutout sugar cookies, with homemade frosting. And I ate some. Ahem. :) Just a warning - this Friday's weigh-in may not be great. I'm looking forward to seeing what a difference two weeks of actually behaving can do for me, though.
1. I will stay within my calorie limits of 1250-1550 calories EVERY DAY, including Friday, Saturday and Sunday (my trouble times).
2. I will get my ass on the seat of our exercise bike, and I will ride it EVERY WEEKNIGHT. And when I say I will ride it, I mean I will push myself to go as fast and hard as I can, for as long as I can. And that will mean at least 15 minutes.
It's a simple pledge. It's something I've done for a lot longer than two weeks, so it should be a walk in the park. 2010 is my year! I have to keep reminding myself of that.
So, in other news, my Valentine's weekend went so well! I have the best Valentine ever in my Jim. He got me a new pair of boots that I had been coveting. He got me the latest book by Diana Gabaldon (I love the Jamie and Clare books, and I've actually planned to reread them all before reading this new one). He got me not one, not two, but three cards (he's a great card giver). He sent me the beautiful roses at work on Friday, which I spent the whole weekend carrying from room to room with me, so that they would always be in my line of sight. He took me to the movies on Saturday. And he made me lasagna and garlic bread last night for dinner! I ate two pieces of each, and then spent the night burping up cheese (lactose intolerant). I don't care, though, because it was delicious. I love lasagna!
Oh, and I made cutout sugar cookies, with homemade frosting. And I ate some. Ahem. :) Just a warning - this Friday's weigh-in may not be great. I'm looking forward to seeing what a difference two weeks of actually behaving can do for me, though.
Friday, February 12, 2010
Valentine's :)
This is not at all related to my health or my diet, but I had to share. Looky what Jim had sent to me at work today. :D
I swear, I felt every woman in the place seething with jealousy after they came. :)
He's also going to make me a lasagna dinner (with garlic bread) on Sunday, and he bought me some great boots that I can't wait to get, as well as a book that I wanted.
Am I spoiled or what?
(And I know about the gifts ahead of time because he had me try on the boots to make sure they fit. He didn't have to show me the book, but he did. I'll get them both on Sunday.)
Thank you Jim!
I swear, I felt every woman in the place seething with jealousy after they came. :)
He's also going to make me a lasagna dinner (with garlic bread) on Sunday, and he bought me some great boots that I can't wait to get, as well as a book that I wanted.
Am I spoiled or what?
(And I know about the gifts ahead of time because he had me try on the boots to make sure they fit. He didn't have to show me the book, but he did. I'll get them both on Sunday.)
Thank you Jim!
So Relaxed
No weigh-in today. After the week I had, I felt the need to stay away from the scale. I'll weigh in again next Friday, though.
So, I work at a college that has a massage therapy program for the students. I've never gotten a massage before, but today we had arranged for some of the students to come give chair massages to the people in our office. I just spent 15 minutes getting my back rubbed, my arms rubbed, and wow! I love it. I wish they could come every day. So amazing!
I still don't see myself ever getting a massage that I had to strip down to nothing for, but this kind? Oh yeah, they could come every day, and I'd be happy. Wow. So nice!
Also, I found out that apparently I still have an oily forehead, because the paper they put under my face was blotchy when I got up. That was slightly embarrassing, but what can you do?
Oh, and my boss was joking about how she wanted the door closed when she was in there, so no one would see her drooling. I laughed, but I had to fight to keep from drooling for real! Ha!
I'm looking forward to this weekend, too. Jim is actually off all weekend, so we get to spend both days together. We might get to go see the werewolf movie that I can't remember the name of, and he's going to make me dinner on Sunday - lasagna and garlic bread. :)
I hope you all have a great weekend, too!
So, I work at a college that has a massage therapy program for the students. I've never gotten a massage before, but today we had arranged for some of the students to come give chair massages to the people in our office. I just spent 15 minutes getting my back rubbed, my arms rubbed, and wow! I love it. I wish they could come every day. So amazing!
I still don't see myself ever getting a massage that I had to strip down to nothing for, but this kind? Oh yeah, they could come every day, and I'd be happy. Wow. So nice!
Also, I found out that apparently I still have an oily forehead, because the paper they put under my face was blotchy when I got up. That was slightly embarrassing, but what can you do?
Oh, and my boss was joking about how she wanted the door closed when she was in there, so no one would see her drooling. I laughed, but I had to fight to keep from drooling for real! Ha!
I'm looking forward to this weekend, too. Jim is actually off all weekend, so we get to spend both days together. We might get to go see the werewolf movie that I can't remember the name of, and he's going to make me dinner on Sunday - lasagna and garlic bread. :)
I hope you all have a great weekend, too!
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
A New Day Dawns
Okay, yesterday I needed to eat all day, my head just needed me to stuff food in my mouth all day long, and I was all emotional and figuratively tearing my hair out, wailing, "why can't I succeed at my diet? Why?"
And then a new day dawns, and whatever was making me stuff food in my mouth all day yesterday has gone away, and I am once again in control and doing well.
The next time I get all whiny and despair of ever losing this weight, and wonder why, why, why - remind me, will you, that these days come every so often, but they go as quick as they came?
Thanks. :)
So yes, back in control today, and kind of wishing I were at home right now, because I want to do an exercise video. Hopefully that feeling will stay with me until I get home tonight. We'll see.
Thanks for the good thoughts and comments yesterday, Sally and Melissa! I actually haven't read them yet - I was so in my head and emotional yesterday, I just couldn't. Weird, but true. I'll read them as soon as I get done here, though.
It feels good to be back in control!
And then a new day dawns, and whatever was making me stuff food in my mouth all day yesterday has gone away, and I am once again in control and doing well.
The next time I get all whiny and despair of ever losing this weight, and wonder why, why, why - remind me, will you, that these days come every so often, but they go as quick as they came?
Thanks. :)
So yes, back in control today, and kind of wishing I were at home right now, because I want to do an exercise video. Hopefully that feeling will stay with me until I get home tonight. We'll see.
Thanks for the good thoughts and comments yesterday, Sally and Melissa! I actually haven't read them yet - I was so in my head and emotional yesterday, I just couldn't. Weird, but true. I'll read them as soon as I get done here, though.
It feels good to be back in control!
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Crisis
I'm having a crisis this week. I want to eat and eat, and I don't know why! I'm trying to examine my feelings and my moods, but I just don't know what the problem is. I'm not physically hungry at all, and yet I want to eat so much. Is it emotional issues? Is it hormones? I'm at the mid-point in my cycle, so it wouldn't seem like that would be it, but then maybe I'm ovulating and that's messing me up.
I have no idea.
If it's emotional, then what's my issue? Sure I gained the weight when Mom was sick and then after she died, but losing it won't make her die again, and keeping the weight on won't bring her back. Jim fell in love with me the way I am now, but he won't stop loving me if I lose weight. I know I gained some of the weight as a way to keep men away and to isolate myself because I was so afraid of facing my relationship issues, but I got past those and let Jim into my life, so I don't need to hold onto the weight out of insecurity anymore.
So what's going on? I still have no idea.
I'm not giving up, but I am struggling right now. I have to be honest about that. Losing weight, for me, is much more of an emotional struggle than a physical one. I'm trying to figure out what's in my head, so I can get past it.
Right now, though, all I want to do is eat. I'm trying not to eat too much.
Reading back over this just now, I was struck by another thought - do I think I'm not worth it? I don't know how to put this thought into words so you can understand, so I guess I'll just leave it at that. If that's what it is, though, I have news for my subconscious - I AM worth it. I deserve to be healthy and fit and happy, and I deserve to feel attractive.
I have no idea.
If it's emotional, then what's my issue? Sure I gained the weight when Mom was sick and then after she died, but losing it won't make her die again, and keeping the weight on won't bring her back. Jim fell in love with me the way I am now, but he won't stop loving me if I lose weight. I know I gained some of the weight as a way to keep men away and to isolate myself because I was so afraid of facing my relationship issues, but I got past those and let Jim into my life, so I don't need to hold onto the weight out of insecurity anymore.
So what's going on? I still have no idea.
I'm not giving up, but I am struggling right now. I have to be honest about that. Losing weight, for me, is much more of an emotional struggle than a physical one. I'm trying to figure out what's in my head, so I can get past it.
Right now, though, all I want to do is eat. I'm trying not to eat too much.
Reading back over this just now, I was struck by another thought - do I think I'm not worth it? I don't know how to put this thought into words so you can understand, so I guess I'll just leave it at that. If that's what it is, though, I have news for my subconscious - I AM worth it. I deserve to be healthy and fit and happy, and I deserve to feel attractive.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Cheat Day Heavy
I had two bad ideas yesterday. First was having a cheat day when I was going to be home alone all day. It means I basically spent the entire day eating while watching TV, eating while playing the Sims 3, eating while watching more TV, and oh yeah, eating while playing more Sims 3. And I did two loads of laundry and vacuumed the downstairs. That's about it. Oh, and I rode the exercise bike - for all of five minutes. Ha!
The second bad idea was going grocery shopping while I was hungry (hadn't eaten breakfast). As I'm sure you know, if you go grocery shopping while you're hungry, everything looks good. I ate xtra cheddar Goldfish, I ate chocolate chip cookie dough, I ate chocolate chip cookies, I ate frozen waffles, toasted and covered in maple syrup. Oy. I ate so much I had trouble falling asleep last night, I was so full (and kind of sick, honestly).
So now I will be spending the week attempting to reverse the damage. I didn't step on the scale this morning, and will be avoiding it until Friday, but let's just say that I'll be happy if I get down to 208 this week, because I know I gained weight yesterday.
Also, I think riding the exercise bike is good every so often, but I don't get that much of a cardiovascular workout from it. Maybe I just don't go fast enough, I don't know. I tend to get a better workout from videos, though, so I'm going to start cycling through some I have in my Netflix queue to watch instantly. If I do those for the rest of this month, three or four times a week, then I should be able to do the 30 day shred next month! I really want to test out Jillian Michael's claim that "you can lose up to 20 pounds" in one month while doing it! Not that I really expect to lose 20 pounds in one month, but I want to see how much I do lose.
I'm feeling kind of down on myself today, because I just ate SO MUCH yesterday. I feel like I'm spinning my wheels and not really accomplishing anything, even though I know that's not true. The weight may be coming off slowly, but at least it is coming off, and I'll keep up that steady forward progress.
That doesn't stop me from wishing it could all come off FAST, though. :P
If I do a video tonight, I'll let you know tomorrow how it went.
The second bad idea was going grocery shopping while I was hungry (hadn't eaten breakfast). As I'm sure you know, if you go grocery shopping while you're hungry, everything looks good. I ate xtra cheddar Goldfish, I ate chocolate chip cookie dough, I ate chocolate chip cookies, I ate frozen waffles, toasted and covered in maple syrup. Oy. I ate so much I had trouble falling asleep last night, I was so full (and kind of sick, honestly).
So now I will be spending the week attempting to reverse the damage. I didn't step on the scale this morning, and will be avoiding it until Friday, but let's just say that I'll be happy if I get down to 208 this week, because I know I gained weight yesterday.
Also, I think riding the exercise bike is good every so often, but I don't get that much of a cardiovascular workout from it. Maybe I just don't go fast enough, I don't know. I tend to get a better workout from videos, though, so I'm going to start cycling through some I have in my Netflix queue to watch instantly. If I do those for the rest of this month, three or four times a week, then I should be able to do the 30 day shred next month! I really want to test out Jillian Michael's claim that "you can lose up to 20 pounds" in one month while doing it! Not that I really expect to lose 20 pounds in one month, but I want to see how much I do lose.
I'm feeling kind of down on myself today, because I just ate SO MUCH yesterday. I feel like I'm spinning my wheels and not really accomplishing anything, even though I know that's not true. The weight may be coming off slowly, but at least it is coming off, and I'll keep up that steady forward progress.
That doesn't stop me from wishing it could all come off FAST, though. :P
If I do a video tonight, I'll let you know tomorrow how it went.
Friday, February 5, 2010
New Weight
Today is weigh-in day, yay! This morning I stepped on the scale and weighed 209.25. That's three and a half pounds less than last week, but you have to remember that the scale was adjusted after last week's weigh-in, so I have no idea how much I actually lost for sure. It was somewhere in the range of two pounds, though, so it's normal. Yay!
I'm giving myself a cheat day on Sunday, because it's Super Bowl Sunday, I'm going to be alone all day, and I've been wanting some chocolate chip cookie dough/cookies, so I'm giving it to myself that day. :) I'll try to stick to my calorie limit tomorrow, though.
One more week down!
I'm giving myself a cheat day on Sunday, because it's Super Bowl Sunday, I'm going to be alone all day, and I've been wanting some chocolate chip cookie dough/cookies, so I'm giving it to myself that day. :) I'll try to stick to my calorie limit tomorrow, though.
One more week down!
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Baby Steps
Last night Jim rode the exercise bike while I was on the phone with my phone company, checking on our Internet service, which has been out since Sunday night. And when he got off, I GOT ON! I only did 10 minutes, but I told myself that was the minimum I could do, and that's what I did. But still, I did it, so woo!
Can you tell I hate exercise? I seriously have to force myself to just do 10 minutes. Hee. Oh well.
Also, since our Internet has been out, I've been estimating my calories in the evenings (I usually keep track online with sparkpeople). Last night I actually ended up eating 100 or so calories less than I usually do, and I didn't really miss it! Odd, but true. I was really hungry when I got up this morning, though.
Hopefully our Internet will be back on this afternoon (if we don't need a new modem, which I'm almost thinking we do), and if so, I'll be able to keep track again. And I'll also sit down and try to do 15 minutes on the bike tonight.
Baby steps, people - it's how all changes begin, don't you think? :)
Can you tell I hate exercise? I seriously have to force myself to just do 10 minutes. Hee. Oh well.
Also, since our Internet has been out, I've been estimating my calories in the evenings (I usually keep track online with sparkpeople). Last night I actually ended up eating 100 or so calories less than I usually do, and I didn't really miss it! Odd, but true. I was really hungry when I got up this morning, though.
Hopefully our Internet will be back on this afternoon (if we don't need a new modem, which I'm almost thinking we do), and if so, I'll be able to keep track again. And I'll also sit down and try to do 15 minutes on the bike tonight.
Baby steps, people - it's how all changes begin, don't you think? :)
Monday, February 1, 2010
February's Goals
A new month has started, and just like that I'm in month two of my effort to lose weight in 2010! I feel like January was pretty successful, but I also feel like I can do way better. So here are some goals for February!
First of all, I've been very bad on the weekends in January. I basically weighed in on Friday morning and immediately started eating whatever I wanted, and didn't stop until Sunday night. That makes three cheat days, if you're counting, and that's about two per week too many. So goal number one:
1. Limit myself to ONE cheat day per week. I'll decide in advance which day that is going to be, depending on what day Jim is going to be home, what we have planned, etc. That cheat day will probably always be either Saturday or Sunday. On the six non-cheat days I will stick to my daily limit of 1250-1550 calories.
Second of all, I have been very bad at exercising, in that except for a few simple exercises to loosen up my tight neck and shoulder muscles, I haven't done any exercising at all yet this year! Obviously that can't continue, because as much as I wish it wasn't so, exercise is a vital part of any weight loss endeavor. So goal number two for this month:
2. Exercise at least four days per week. I'll start out with at least 10 minutes on the exercise bike, since I've done nothing at all for so long. Once I start to get into better shape and can do more, I'll add more minutes every day. My goal eventually is to try Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred. I've heard that it's a killer, though, so I'll wait until at least March for that. February can be my training month (and if you know anything about this video, and think I should wait longer, please tell me - I don't want to push myself, but I do need to step up the exercising).
I'm not setting a weight loss goal for the month, because that kind of thing tends to backfire on me if I don't make it (i.e., I make a goal, don't reach it, and then overeat for a while to console myself). I'm getting closer to that ever elusive under 200 number, though, and I should be able to reach it in March, at the latest. Here's hoping!
Okay, two simple goals. If I stick to them, though, February can be a very successful month!
First of all, I've been very bad on the weekends in January. I basically weighed in on Friday morning and immediately started eating whatever I wanted, and didn't stop until Sunday night. That makes three cheat days, if you're counting, and that's about two per week too many. So goal number one:
1. Limit myself to ONE cheat day per week. I'll decide in advance which day that is going to be, depending on what day Jim is going to be home, what we have planned, etc. That cheat day will probably always be either Saturday or Sunday. On the six non-cheat days I will stick to my daily limit of 1250-1550 calories.
Second of all, I have been very bad at exercising, in that except for a few simple exercises to loosen up my tight neck and shoulder muscles, I haven't done any exercising at all yet this year! Obviously that can't continue, because as much as I wish it wasn't so, exercise is a vital part of any weight loss endeavor. So goal number two for this month:
2. Exercise at least four days per week. I'll start out with at least 10 minutes on the exercise bike, since I've done nothing at all for so long. Once I start to get into better shape and can do more, I'll add more minutes every day. My goal eventually is to try Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred. I've heard that it's a killer, though, so I'll wait until at least March for that. February can be my training month (and if you know anything about this video, and think I should wait longer, please tell me - I don't want to push myself, but I do need to step up the exercising).
I'm not setting a weight loss goal for the month, because that kind of thing tends to backfire on me if I don't make it (i.e., I make a goal, don't reach it, and then overeat for a while to console myself). I'm getting closer to that ever elusive under 200 number, though, and I should be able to reach it in March, at the latest. Here's hoping!
Okay, two simple goals. If I stick to them, though, February can be a very successful month!
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