Why I Eat...Usually Isn't Hunger!

Yesterday I had a doctor's appointment - just my annual pap smear, no big deal. I also had a couple other issues to discuss with her, though, and oh yeah - I turned 40, so it turned out she had a couple of surprises in store for me, too.

We talked about a lot of things, and I was examined in various ways, and she asked me lots of questions about how my health has been, and about my family health history (I swear she was shocked by how much my mom had wrong with her - the woman had everything, just about). She told me I need to start exercising, to help avoid both heart disease (mom had it) and diabetes (mom had it). I knew both of those things, and I swear, I really will start exercising, once my arms are feeling better (long story short, I pulled or pinched or tore something in my right elbow in December when picking up a box, and it's still bothering me - the doctor said I probably had a pinched nerve, and I need to ice it and take Ibuprofen to reduce swelling; as for my left arm, my shoulder and neck have been very tight and sore, but I'm exercising them and doing what I can to loosen it back up). Then she asked me how often I go to the dentist, and I had to admit it had been a couple of years (I've been putting off going because I need crowns and can't afford them). Then she asked me if I flossed, and I said no.

Did you know gum disease can lead to heart disease somehow? You do now. I swear I'm going to start flossing, too.

So I got poked and prodded and have to go get my very first mammogram on Friday and have to go back next Thursday morning to have fasting bloodwork taken, and she'll talk to me about the results of the bloodwork when I see her in February for my cyst removal. Here's hoping the numbers aren't bad.

And here's where my day fell apart, food wise. I left this very thorough exam feeling rather...violated...I guess. (I had a rectal exam, people, AND a pap smear and breast exam - this woman had contact with every personal, private area I possess!) So what did I do when I left the doctor's office? I drove straight to McDonald's and got a cheeseburger (ketchup only) and small fry for lunch. Then, because I hadn't used my lunch money that work gives me for lunch, I used it to buy two diet sodas for this weekend, and TWO CANDY BARS. Then I came back to work and proceeded to eat both of them.

And that wasn't the end of it, oh no. I went home and ate my barbecued chicken breast and rice for dinner, with a glass of 2% lactose free milk (the one good thing I ate all afternoon). And I followed it up with a 100 calorie pack of yogurt covered pretzels, a small box of yogurt covered raisins and two pieces of cheese, eaten with crackers.

Oh yes, I did manage to go about 1,000 calories over my daily limit, simply because I was feeling "violated" and like I needed some comfort.

And that makes this next part all the more necessary and fitting. I had a book waiting at the library for me, and I went in last night and picked it up, and started reading it. What book was it?

"Breaking Free from Emotional Eating," by Geneen Roth.

I read a little bit last night, and so far I've agreed with everything I've read. For instance, when was the last time you ate because you were actually hungry? For me, it had been a while. I eat out of habit - it's 10:00, must be time for a mid-morning snack! It's 11:30, must be time for lunch! Am I hungry? Who knows, but I have to eat!

Well, she tells you to stop and think about it. She talks about a sliding scale of hunger - 1 to 10, with one being you're about to eat someone's arm you're so hungry, and 10 being you're stuffed. She encourages you to stop eating and wait to see how long it takes you to get hungry.

For the record, I waited this morning. I wasn't hungry at all when I got here at 8:00 - by the time I went to lunch my hunger level was at about a four, I'd say. I was very hungry, and very happy to go to lunch, but I wasn't starving to death.

So now I'm trying to think about why I'm eating (such as, habit, or because of some want or emotion I don't know how to take care of without food). And I'm looking forward to reading more of this book.

Oh, and another neat result of this doctor's visit! Jim had been telling me he thought the bathroom scale (a doctor's scale that my mom bought in the 80s) was weighing heavy, so yesterday I tested it out. I weighed myself when I was all dressed and ready to go to work, minus my shoes. I weighed 217.25 (three pounds more than I weighed naked). When I got to the doctor's office, I stepped on the scale wearing the same thing, with a full bladder (I knew I was going to have to pee in a cup, so I didn't go before I left work to head to the doctor's office), and I weighed 214.24. So apparently our scale DOES weigh a bit heavy!

Which is a good thing, because now I weigh less than I thought! Yay! But we need to adjust the scale so that it's right again. I'm not sure what this is going to do to my monthly weight figures. I think I'll just use the numbers it's giving me right now, and when we get the scale adjusted, I'll make a note and adjust them. (Adjusting the scale seems pretty easy. I'm going to see if Jim will bring a few of his weights up from the basement, so we can put them on the scale knowing how much they weigh (say, 200 pounds or maybe 150), and adjust the little screw on the scale until it reads what it should read.)

Okay, novel of an entry written. Bye all!