November

Tomorrow is November 1st, and it's the beginning of a new 30 Days of Denise. I have no idea what I weigh right now, but since I've been binging for a long time now, I know the number can't be good.

But you know what? I don't care. Well, I care. I guess what I should say is I don't care to find out right now. I wrote before about how I kept sabotaging my diet efforts whenever I got close to getting under 200 pounds. Well, writing that entry helped me realize that I was doing that solely out of insecurity. I was afraid that if I lost weight and didn't look the way I did when I met J, that he would leave me. Which was ridiculous and stupid, but insecurities usually are.

And once I realized that's what my subconscious was worrying about, I was able to face the fear and get over it. Still, just to be safe, I'm not going to weigh myself again until at least December 1st.

So this is the start of another month (at least) of being good. I'm going to stick to around 1450 calories each day. I'm going to track my diet on Spark People. I'm going to start exercising again - a little bit at first, and then more as I get used to it again. I'm going to get under 200 pounds before the New Year if it kills me.

So here's to November, another month of being good and exercising some self-control. I'll be writing more often this month, and here's hoping I have all good news!